First time dating a girl
in. My personal experience with same sex love. So I dated a girl for the first time.
Some were successful, others not so much. A first date can determine the possibility of a second date, as well as the fate of a potential relationship.
Personally, two years into my first-ever lesbian relationship, I'm very happy to take the time to acknowledge the amazing lesbians out there in the world — my girlfriend included. And, as someone who has had sex with women but only dated men before this relationship, I appreciate being in a lesbian relationship all the more.
Firstly, I'm a bisexual and proud of it.
2. ask her engaging questions.
And being in a lesbian relationship in no way takes away from the fact that I am a bisexual — there is no acceptance of bi erasure here. Still bi. Still here. Still proud. But what being in a lesbian relationship has done is made me realize how effing amazing being in a lesbian relationship is.
Because there are a lot of differences between dating a man and dating a woman and most of them make me so freaking grateful that the person I fell for is a fellow femme. So if you've ever thought about acting out your sapphic leanings and switching your Tinder search to women, here are some factors worth considering. I hate the cheque dance on dates.
The idea that I shouldn't pay is a patronizing throwback to when women were, you know, basically property. I don't care that it's tradition, I find it really uncomfortable and a little insulting first someone girls like I shouldn't pay.
With a woman, it's not awkward at all or at least, just the normal amount of money awkwardness. I was sick of praising someone for being a feminist or it feeling like a deliberate choice when my needs were valued as much as they were. In a time relationship, you're always encountering gender norms — whether adhering to or ignoring them. OK, it's not all good. There will be dating. A lot of blood. But luckily no squeamishness around it — and there's almost always a spare tampon laying around.
Our apartment is per-cent tampons.
Like I said, some things are harder with women. I was actually way more self-conscious dating women than dating men. Even though I think of men as being more judgmental, feeling like there is a more direct comparison between you and your partner was tough at first.
But once I got over it, I've never felt more confident than when I've been dating a woman. There's no micromanaging a man's feelings. There's no stress of being the only person who notices that you need to buy toilet paper or that you need to buy a birthday gift.
No praising someone because they did a single effing dish after dinner. There's no silent resentment brewing dating housework or errands, because we time come at things from the same place — the burden is genuinely split, rather than having to tell someone what to do and feeling like a nag. I know, I know — NotAllMen. I'm making a major generalization here based on my personal experience with a handful of men and my current experience with one awesome-ass lady. If you've got yourself a man who puts in that mental labour, you're killing it. Have him tell his friends. Encourage him to lead a seminar.
This isn't just me and my girlfriend — it's science. Lesbians have more orgasms than anyone else. The home-court advantage definitely holds true but it's more than that. Because nobody's orgasm is considered the "main event," you first get a lot of attention.
I remember being very afraid of having sex with a woman for the first time.
Oh, and because there's no male orgasm for a big finish, it means sex can just kind of keep going It's awesome. I know many men are first to sensitive conversations, and some men can dating be MORE emotional than their female SOs, but so girls of my friends are scared of looking "emotional" to their boyfriends.
They don't want to be a bother or, worse, be dumped for being "hysterical. Now, my girlfriend and I don't time the lesbian stereotype of sitting around talking about our feelings for hours — that would be boring. But I feel totally secure mentioning if something's bugging or upsetting me, no matter how small.
It means we deal with issues as they come up, before we're stressed to breaking point.
1. bring her somewhere unexpected and new to eat.
This is the bottom line — and the most important part of dating a woman. Sure, part of it is because my girlfriend is particularly amazing, but in my experience, dating a woman has meant feeling like it's a genuine, equal partnership. We come at things from the same place. Nobody's career is more important.
Nobody is the 'head' of our relationship. Nobody is expected to do thankless tasks.
Our future plans and wants and dreams matter equally. Of course there are men out there who are amazing people and make amazing partners — and some women who are selfish as hell.
But I've found that, while dating a woman, there's so much more equality and understanding. I feel like an equal partner in my relationship — and that's just how it should be. This article was originally published on Bellesa. A platform on which women are empowered to celebrate their sexuality.
I can't even tell you. But you learn to live with it.
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