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Story from Sex Tips. Doesn't Kasandra Brabaw.

What to do when you want to have sex but your s.o. doesn't

It's Friday night and you've been thinking about sex all day. Instead of concentrating at work, you've imagined going home and pushing your S. Or maybe you wouldn't even make it to the bedroom, and your clothes would come off while you're standing against the wall.

The only problem? It's clear when your partner gets home that they haven't been having the same fantasy.

They're beat from a long, stressful week at work. And when you start to initiate the sex you've fantasized about they say, "Babe, I think you're so hot, but can we just watch a movie and cuddle tonight?

So, what now? You have a couple of options here, says Sari Cooper, LCSW, certified sex therapist and director of Center for Love and Sex: You can either do some deep breathing and try to calm your arousal down or you can go into another room to masturbate. Which option you choose depends on how openly you and your partner talk about masturbation as well as how horny you really are.

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You obviously need to be respectful of your partner's feelings. So if telling them you're going to take care of yourself before the movie starts feels too pushy or is too embarrassing to say aloudthen mindful breathing might be the best choice. Your arousal might seem insurmountable, but it is possible to work through it without an orgasm. Mostly, the "activities" that are going to help you work through arousal without masturbating are anything that distracts you from your sexual fantasy.

You can do the breathing, which can help you focus on non-erogenous zones like your shoulders, lower back, or feet, Cooper says. Simply take a deep breath in, and think about any body part that doesn't feel sexy to you because to some people, feet are very sexy.

Men, this is how you arouse a woman!

Or, you can use a mindfulness technique that involves listening to the sounds around you, Cooper says. Like focusing on non-sexual body parts, focusing on sounds can help you think about something other than sex.

So listen closely to the cars driving past your window, or the whir of your washing machine. Not into mindfulness?

There's always option 2: Go masturbate in another room. Maybe that sounds like a weird thing to do, but if you and your S. Or, you know, something a little more gentle like, "Yes, let's do the movie. But I'm really turned on, so I'm going to go take care of that and I'll be back soon.

More on sex and intimacy

If your partner knows about your masturbation habits, then a comment like that shouldn't be too strange. And if they don't, then it's probably a good thing to talk about anyway, Cooper says, no matter how awkward it feels. Talking about it upfront can avoid any hurt feelings, and also make it easier to deal with your horniness when your S. Of course, telling your partner that you're going to go masturbate right now because you just can't keep it in your pants probably isn't the best way to start the masturbation conversation. So, if you really need an orgasm and feel too weird about telling your partner, then you don't have to say anything.

But consider bringing masturbation up to your partner later, so you don't have to do it in secret next time. Couples rarely have sex drives that perfectly match upso you likely will come across this situation again and again.

7 steps to resolve sexual desire differences

And it's always best to talk about what's really going on, instead of trying to keep secrets. Once, when we were having sex, I caught my atte.

We were sitting at a terrazzo-to. Shortly after I moved to L. She brought a housewarming gift with her: a ta. Some people stuck to video and. In our new, post-vaccine world which, reminder, is not the same thing as a post-COVID worldmany people have started traveling again, socializing again.